But you were always full of awful surprises.
There are no words to explain how i feel. I take that back, I've written 2,000 words about how i feel. So there are words, but they are not worthy for this blog.
I write when i am sad, this has been proven time and time again. This time, it was noticed by a co-worker of mine. "Why are you furiously typing?" she inquired. i had no reason to lie so i told her the truth.
"Because i hurt."
It's one of the few things I love and hate to admit. I love showing that I am human, but I hate that it shows that I am weak. That I'm not able to handle the situation at hand with no emotion.
Right now, I have no problem admitting it.
~me~ at 9:08 AM
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
I still care what certain people think of me.It makes me feel and sound weak, but it's true. And I'm never above the truth. Though, I don't care what many people say, there are just a certain few whose words have so much potential to affect me. It's not fair to me, it really isn't. Yet, I can't find a way to loosen this choke hold; they almost never have anything positive to say and I am unable to shake it.
As much as i walk away and keep my distance, it is when the reach out to me the most. It's as if they realize that they have treated me horribly and want to make it better. Maybe I am too trusting or have too much faith in mankind, because I believed them. It is people like them who prove everyone right and has me kicking myself for even starting up this horrible relationship again.
Who am I kidding? People rarely change; it takes something life altering and mind boggling for them to change a single aspect of their personality. Even then, nothing is guaranteed. Life is full of disappointments and you just happen to be one of them. ~me~ at 11:37 PM Wednesday, June 18, 2008 Please never let me stray far from the Scion scene.
I met a Nissan boy and he scared me tonight. I give people chances and he made me question if I should ever be nice to a stranger. But, he made the effort to try, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I never should have.
Before I knew it, I was in a headlock of some sort. You know it's bad when you don't know if the other person was joking. If I were at any Scion show, I could have darted my eyes around to get the attention of someone, but here I was alone. It's horrible to think that I need to start being less nice. That I can't be as open with people, because you never know what will happen. ~me~ at 12:57 AM Monday, June 16, 2008 It's not that i hate the summer.
It just that heat makes me sweat and i hate sweating.
Amazingly my summer has been filled with trips. Immediately after finals I headed over to Boulder City, NV for Scion United. Which is hands down my favorite Scion event... ever. I find myself looking at other cars to see if they have their SU Group sticker on their car. G4 baby. Somehow I found myself on stage dancing with my fellow SDG's, while Flo Rida was spitting out the rhymes of "Low".
3 weeks after that, I made the trip to Portland to visit. It was fun, fresh, and had me considering if i would want to live in California forever. The air is crisper and the thick layer of smog is non-existant. It was great to be able to get away from the hustle and bustle of the chaos I have already established.
In a few days, I will be going to Vegas again. This time it's with friends and I can't wait. The one thing I am not excited for is the fact that I will have to make the drive alone. When I went to Nevada for United, I had brought Ryan with me. It was great to have another person to experience the event. But, on top of that, it was good to have another person in the car with me. We talked and it was never boring.
And that's enough from me. I'll be back. With pictures. ~me~ at 11:51 PM Sunday, March 23, 2008 Oh blogger.
How do i love thee?
Let Me Count the Ways:
a) You've been here with me through thick and thin; even when i was horrible and left you another we welcomed me back with open arms. For that I thank you.
b) Providing me with a plethora of knowledge about myself, i learn from my mistakes and attempt to grow.
c) Allowing me to talk incessantly about the happenings of my day or about how members of the opposite sex are not worth my time means so much to me. And that is all you do, blogger. You listen, you process, and then you post.
d) Sometimes, i dream about blogging. And don't tell myspace this, but your format is the one i dream of. Oh, the clean, crisp lines get me every time i log in. the ability to click the "Edit HTML" tab is always available for my abuse. And that "Preview" button... it's to die for.
e) Lastly, what i love most about blogger is the fact that you give me a muse for my writing. Some days I write for myself and others I write for others to see. You give me the opportunity to write something that has to potential to affect others (preferably in a good way). There are days when all i want to do is type words that accumulate into something profound and awe-inducing. You, blogger, are the canvas to my paint brush (which are also known as my fingertips). ~me~ at 10:11 AM Thursday, March 20, 2008 Wow, sorry that I've neglected you blogger.
My bad. Things have been hectic and I admit that myspace blogs have sucked up most of my blogging time.
Life isn't as wonderful as it seems. Homework piles up and my procrastination level skyrockets, i find myself in a bind... Cramming as much as i can a few days before the test. It's not the greatest strategy, but somehow it's been working for me this semester.
Even as I try my best, I still don't understand Calculus well. I'm getting there, but I'm not on the track that I would like to be.
Boy is another situation itself. And yes, you read that correctly. Boy. Just one. ~me~ at 11:09 PM Saturday, December 22, 2007
Good Riddance, Off Campus Pub!
During the last week of school, "Goodbye, OCP" was splashed across the cover of our newspaper, the Daily Titan. The Off Campus Pub is a CSUF staple; located right across the street and I've heard that it gets a bit crowded during the weekend. Last night, after my work party Jake, Perna, and I decided to take a trip to the beloved OCP. We figured that we should check it out before it closes in a few weeks. That decision would be one that killed the night.
We both arrived at 10pm. Upon arriving, they had us fork over our ID's as well as a 5 dollar cover charge. If there was a line, the cover charge wouldn't bother me, but there was no one waiting. Also, Not to toot my own horn, but I was looking pretty hot and I was amazed that he charged me. First off, bouncers rarely charge females because they want more males to come. Most allow the girls to come in for free and wait for the boys to come ahollerin'. As we walked in, the bar was nearly dead. A few groups of people surrounding the bar, some stragglers around the pool tables, and that was about it. We tossed our stuff onto the table and headed to the pool table that was closest.
I examined the machine and it looked broken. The glass panel had fallen off, but there was a perfect relief spot to grab the balls. So, I began piling the balls onto the table. The door containing the balls felt a little loose, but I didn't think much of it because of the bad condition. When grabbing the last ball (which was the 8 ball) the door fell off. I tried to toss it back on to the compartment with the help of Jake, but nothing worked. We placed the door near the legs of the table and collectively decided that we wanted a drink.
Ordering a Midori Sour, I sat on the bar stool and looked around. Boys were everywhere; drinking beer eating bar snacks, but that alone made me question the integrity of the place. Where are the ladies? After getting my drink, I headed back to the table and after sitting on my stool; I realized that I had lost the boys. I figured they must have been at the restroom or possibly saw a friend that I don't know. So, I waited. Playing with my phone and looking up every few seconds to see if I could catch a glimpse of Jake's hair. Nothing; I must have been at that table for a good ten minutes before I saw them coming in through the main entrance.
I asked them what had happened.
After they paid for their beers the bouncer came up to them and asked them to come outside. He also emphasized that they should leave their beers. The bouncers took them outside and began harassing them about the pool table. Someone complained that we were 'jimmying' the pool table. As my friends began defending themselves and telling their side of the story, which was basically blaming it all on me. It was really my fault. I was the one that saw the opening in the glass panel and thought that was where I was supposed to grab the balls. In actuality, on another side of the table, is a place where you put money (similar to a air hockey table).
My bad, guys. My bad.
Obviously, the bouncer let the back in; but not without reprimanding them saying something along the lines of, "Be sure not to create more trouble." That alone killed the mood. Jake and Perna grabbed their drinks, drank them and we headed out. I had a few sips of my Midori Sour and it just didn't taste a sweet.
Sorry OCP for breaking a machine that was initially broken. I can't wait to see you and the Neanderthals you like to call your staff close escrow. You'll be out of a job and I'm willing to bet that the Mexican Restaurant that comes after will flourish. Also, thanks for the cockfest. Seriously, a bar a 'classy' as yours could not even pull the girls. It's kinda sad.
Bar - People - (more importantly) Girls = OCP
OCP = Disaster Zone. ~me~ at 8:18 AM
